Father's Day for my family is usually filled with family and lots of food. Gathering with all my extended family is always a blast and some of my favorite memories. While family time is always fun the pressure of family questions arise the second I walk into my grandparent's house. It's usually the same three questions; "where are you working now" "what do you want to do with your life" and "when are you getting married". Three questions that somewhat terrify me and I hate to answer. Like please tell me I'm not the only one who gets harassed by relatives. It's like they think because we are all getting together that something new and super life changing has happened since the last family bbq. I wish!
As I sat at the table eating dessert with the fam, I listened for a while to the conversations. For many, many years it made me anxious knowing I was going to be asked what was going on with my life since I wasn't proud of anything. When I was in school I wanted to be done with it, once I graduated all I wanted was to go back. I never truly enjoyed any job I held since they all were part time gigs and could probably be done by a monkey. My confidence and belief in myself was low and I didn't want to have to talk about it with other people, even if it was my own family. As I sat and listened to the conversation about who's in new relationships or ended old ones, new jobs, new homes, and so on all I could think was how happy I was to be the position I am currently in. While I am not in love with the job I have it still pays the bills and allows me to work on my dream job on the side. While I don't love living home, I have a roof over my head with a refrigerator filled with food. While I would much rather be driving a range rover, I have a brand new leased car that always has a full tank of gas to get me to where ever I want to go.
For so long I had been in a place of survival mode, feeling like the world was against me. Being questioned what I was doing with my life made me angry like people wanted to hear about me failing. The truth of it is though, it made me angry because I didn't honestly know and didn't want to look like a loser. BUT! I am in my 20's where most people have no idea what the hell is going on in their lives. I find some peace in the beauty of all this chaos. Yes I am not financially independent yet, but that is to come. It is so easy to get wrapped up and consumed in what we don't have because we simply don't have it. But what about getting wrapped up in what we do have. No, I don't have a high paying job and my own place like my cousin, but its not like I'm unemployed and living on the streets! It is truly all about perspective and how you perceive your own life. I was attracting so much negativity into my life because I was afraid. I lived with so much fear and hatred and anger because I was scared. Fear vs love. You can be terrified of any situation and think of all the ways it can go wrong, or you can love every situation and have faith that the best outcomes will be attracted into you life.
Now when I talk to my family I am more eager to speak about what I'm planning. Maybe they wont understand, and that's okay too. But it doesn't matter if they do or don't because its my life. When I tell them I am writing my own blog along with my coaching and personal training, and hey I even started to write a book, everyone is more intrigued to hear about the good in my life vs the bad. We all have worked the jobs we don't enjoy or worked paycheck to paycheck and that is the same old story. Talk about positive and in return you will attract more positive in your life.