I felt like "kill" could be a bit harsh. But in all honesty, it's true. It may not murder you in broad daylight, but it will sneak up on you at some point. Your comfort zone is created merely for comfort, like, duh. That is your zone. It's where you can feel most safe. It's the spot on the couch that you can snuggle up in after a long day at work. It's the same coffee spot you stop at every Saturday morning before the gym. It's your girls nights with loads of wine, where you cant vent and set your thoughts free. It can look a lot like self care. The difference is that, while it's comfortable it isn't helping you grow. It isn't helping you change. Some things don't need that type of attention, like the phrase "why fix what's not broken". But in reality, plenty can need some fixing, your comfort zone is just keeping you at peace with it.
I felt this way a lot with work and relationships. I was comfortable. It was a salary. It was a boyfriend to call my own. Both were not up to my standards but it felt much better to stay in my comfort than to fear the unknown. But the universe has a funny way of tapping you on your shoulder, until you can no longer ignore it. The tap turns into a nudge, into a push, into a full blown kick down the stairs. I have found when things continuously repeat themselves like thoughts in my mind, that gut feeling, signs I feel being sent to me, even repetition within conversations, it's time for a change.
The title is true. "Your comfort zone will kill you". It can. And it sure will if you allow it. Living in a world of comfort is well, comfortable. But it isn't exciting. It isn't new. It isn't motivating. And it is not what dreams are based off of. Your comfort zone is your starting ground. It's your home base. It can be the place you resort back to after a long day of working towards those goals. But it can't be where you spend your long day. You deserve excitement, new and motivation. You do. And while your comfort zone is warm, soft and cuddly, it isn't where goals are hit.
So how do you get out of it? How do you escape your comforts and go for something you've never achieved? First, recognize the change you want. Is it in your job? Your relationship? Your health? Identify it first, then let's try these;
1. Start with baby steps: If it is to improve your health try cutting just 1 bad habit out or food like adding almond milk instead of whole milk to your coffee everyday, or getting to bed earlier every night.
2. What is holding you back: For me, it was fear overall. Identifying what keeps you in your comfort zone can help you better understand yourself, and where you're currently at.
3. Give yourself a timeline: We are more likely to attain goals when we have a deadline, so find a reasonable one that works for you and put it in your calendar, or somewhere that you'll see daily as a constant reminder.
4. Vision board: Seeing is believing. Making a vision board can help you visualize these new goals and keep you from settling back into your zone and same mindset.
5. Mindset is everything: Once you've identified your change and proceeded to all four steps, this is the major component to pull you out of that comfort zone and into something new, different and exciting. When you can change your mindset to a positive one, knowing you deserve what you're going after becomes a lot easier. This could mean meditation, journaling, self help books, podcasts, therapy, yoga, or a combination of all. Whatever works best for you, is what is best for, you.
It doesn't matter what it is, if it is no longer serving you, it's okay to walk away.
Whether it's a relationship, job, friendship, ponytail, if it feels too constricting that's your sign. Your red flag blowing in the wind. Just because you want someone in your life, doesn't necessarily mean they have earned a place there. I have struggled with this thought more then ever recently. The quote "stop watering dead plants" repeats in my mind. When I have relationships that seem so one sided. Or feel so draining. Some environments, and people are only meant to be in your life for a purpose, not for permanent.
I think that's a really hard concept to grasp when you're such a people person. When you love to make everyone around you happy, nearly putting yourself in second place. But it's even harder to grasp how you could be so good to some people and it isn't reciprocated. That's when you hit the breaking point. Where you're not sure it's worth it anymore. And maybe it's just easier to throw up your hands and walk away.
I believe that everyone and everything comes into our lives for a reason. You're either a blessing or a lesson, right? The silver-lining in any situation. After a bad breakup you'll constantly hear how you dodged a bullet, how you're so much better off, how they showed you what you truly deserve. And it is true. Everything in life is a learning curve to some extent.
So why do I continuously think "stop watering dead plants"? I keep envisioning myself walking over to my window sill, with a can of water, drenching dead succulents. And I know it makes no sense. That no amount of water will bring them back, yet I do it day after day. And that's exactly what some things in life feel like.
Feeling drained by someone else is exhausting. Being in an environment that is toxic, can really have a massive effect on so many aspects of your life. And as hard as it may be to cut someone off, or to leave that job, to move on, it's just as hard staying. So choose your hard. More times than I'd like to admit, I've held on to things that no longer served me. Relationships, most definitely both romantic and platonic. Jobs I've stayed at longer than I knew I should. I based decisions off of other people's opinions, yet I'm still waiting for those opinions to pay my bills. Happiness comes from within. No one can create it for you. But you can surround yourself with people and places that add value to your happiness. I began to realize, that there were certain people in my world that brought more negativity than positivity. They were more interested in the drama, and the dirt then clapping for my wins. And I just couldn't have that for another minute. It's not like there were any falling outs, hard feelings, or fights. It just simply wouldn't do any longer.
Life can be hard, but it is also beautiful. And how you choose to water yourself and your plants is entirely up to you and how you'll see your beautiful world. Don't let dead plants keep you from planting new ones. Choose your hard, but most of all choose yourself.
"Everything happens for a reason" they say. A saying I've grown up with. A saying I've heard time and time again, as I just barely reach that goal. And as painful as it might feel, it's true. Everything does happen for a reason. What's meant to be yours will always find you. The job, the relationship, the home. Everything you need already lives within you, and that is probably the most calming feeling through any chaos.
When you feel the sting of rejection, you search for anything to make it just an ounce less painful. You fall asleep at night hoping and praying tomorrow will feel even a little bit better. And my favorite part of waking up, is for those first few seconds where you don't realize reality. When you're just coming into the morning, opening your eyes and stretching for a new day. Those are the seconds I hold on to. When I know everything happens for a reason, but I'm not quite sure what that reason is yet. I hold onto those 10 seconds. Those 10 seconds that allows you to be anyone you want to be. Those very few seconds where you can imagine a life that is so pure to your soul, that no sort of reality can amount.
We have to believe that everything happens for a reason. Because if we don't we are lead down this trail of pain and misunderstanding. So many things happen in this world that make no sense. So many things that I cannot wrap my mind around. But believing that things happen the way that they are supposed to, guides us into comfort. "I don't understand I was the best girlfriend and he cheated on me" only to meet the love of your life a year later. "I worked so hard at that job and still got laid off" only to get your dream job months later. "I saved for so long to take this vacation that got cancelled" only to get an upgrade and have an even better experience.
Some days I want to believe it wholeheartedly, like when things are smooth sailing. But when the going gets tough, it's always a challenge to see the bigger picture. Although I can look back and nearly every scenario that felt so tragic, lead me into a direction I wasn't able to create in my own mind.
We all have plans. And sometimes plans don't work out the way we want them to. Or they don't work out because that's the universes way of saying no, this is what you truly want. It's like an unseen guidance that brings us back on our path when we are veering off. Some call it the silver-lining in a bad situation, some call it the higher power, some call it religion. Call it whatever you want, but everything does happen for a reason.
We're 16 days into the New Year. What have you promised yourself to change this year? Or maybe not change? Keeping that promise can be difficult in the first few weeks, so here are some tips to help you reach those goals.
1. Change one small habit, and repeat that change daily until it becomes a permanent habit
(It usually takes 21 days, or 3 weeks to form a new habit. You're almost 3 weeks into 2020, so don't give up just yet!)
2. Talk about it often
(Talking about your goals to friends and family can help hold you accountable by letting other people know your goal. No one likes to be all talk and no action, so keep chatting about it!)
3. Post it everywhere you'll see it
(Sometimes seeing is believing aka why people love vision boards. I like to put on a stickie note, my goal and post it everywhere I know I'll see it. So post it on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, your work desk. Places you will see it most to remind you why you are doing what you are doing.)
4. Do it with someone
(Having a buddy is always helpful. If you goal is to lose weight, eat healthier, get out of debt, really anything- sign up with a friend. This will help to keep you both accountable, and on track. Plus it's always more fun with a friend by your side.)
5. Set a deadline
(Whatever your goal is, make sure you have a deadline for it. If it's to lose weight, how much and by when? If it's to eat healthier overall, is the due date by your next annual doctor visit? If it's to save money for a vacation, when do you want to take it? If it's to get out of debt, how much do you want to put aside to relieve that debt? A goal is great, but a goal with an end date is more actionable.)
The beauty of a new month. It feels like a clean slate. A fresh start. Like anything is possible. Everything is left in the days that are gone, and the world has endless possibilities in this brand new month to come.
I always like to set an intention for the month, on the first day. Sometimes it's to meet a specific goal, sometimes it's to continue what I have been doing. What's your goal for the month of May? Comment below!