Our words are powerful beyond measure. The way we say a word can make all the difference. That's why texting can cause such stupid fights over a one word answer. There are so many ways you could be saying "okay". When speaking we sometimes don't realize the power of what is coming out of our mouths. Have you ever made a comment and immediately wanted to take it back? I'm sure, we all have. Where you say the wrong thing at the wrong time and it's just like open mouth and insert foot.
I find it so interesting that to complete strangers or people we don't even like we can force ourselves to put on an act. We can act nice and pleasant but when it comes to our loved ones or even ourselves all bets are off. Obviously because we feel more comfortable with our loved ones that our guards go down. But think about the conversations you have with yourself.
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and started to completely ridicule everything you saw looking back at you? Or when someone gives you a compliment and you can barely say thank you because you just cannot believe it to be true?
The way we speak to ourselves is so important. Talk about power. What follows "I" will find you. Meaning that whatever you put out into the universe will eventually come back to bite you in the ass. I used to speak to a therapist after my first boyfriend (first love, first everything) had cheated on me at the age of 17. I thought my life was over, no one could ever possibly love me and I was broken. I can recall her saying to me that if that is what I truly thought and kept repeating those thoughts to myself then yes, I was right. I thought, so I am right and there is no fixing this? Of course not. I was wrong. I was wrong in that I didn't understand that I could change the way I thought and change the conversation I was having with myself. I thought that because of one man's mistakes and shortcomings that I could no longer live my life and move forward. But when I changed the conversation in my head, I changed everything.
The relationship we have with ourselves is just as important as a relationship with anyone else in our lives. You must cherish it just like all the other people in your life that you cherish. The difference between those relationships and the one with yourself, is that you are never going anywhere. You can move to a different country, lose weight, change your hair color, but at the end of the day your relationship with you is still there.
So maybe you're thinking okay I agree but how do I change my relationship with myself, for the better? Well like anything in your life, it starts with making a commitment to try. Some of my favorite rituals make and made a huge difference in my life when I wanted to change how I spoke to myself.
1- Give yourself alone time
2- Allow yourself time as often as you want to do something that you love
3- Feed your body with nourishing, healthy food
4- Move your body. Exercise, go for a walk, take a yoga class
5- Cancel out a bad habit with a new positive one
6- Give yourself down time. It is important to rest
7- Less screen time and more in the moment time (computers, social media, tv)
8- Stay hydrated
9- Keep reminders close to you (on your phone, taped on your mirrors) of love, happiness and light
10- Seek a therapist, life coach, or friend. It is important to talk about the negatives in your life as well as the positives. If you feel like you want to make a difference but need the help, reach out.
I used to operate on other people's approval. I used to think that if I was accepted that I would be happy and there would be no issues in my life. But when I achieved what I felt pleased others, I wasn't happy, not even a little bit. When it came to the way I looked I always wanted to be in tip top shape. I danced my entire life and never had to worry about my weight or even what I ate. As I got older and moved to college I put on the typical freshman 15 and it was a whole new ball game for me. I wanted to lose the weight because I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. I knew that to live out my truth these extra lbs weren't a true representation of me.
As I was trying to grow into myself I had a lot of influences as we all do. I had a boyfriend who told me I was eating too much Taco Bell, friends who worked out with me daily and family members who would occasionally make the fat jokes. No matter how someone may try to come off, it's very easy to make a negative impression when it comes to someone else's weight.
I remember going home for summer and thinking I need to work my ass off so I don't go back as the fat roommate. And I did. I purchased INSANITY which I fell in love with and lost all the weight and plus some. But this was a decision I made. I didn't do it because someone told me to. I didn't do it because I was ridiculed into it. I did it for me and only me. No one else reaped the benefits of my fit body other than me, so why should I allow any influences speak my truth?
When it comes to "losing weight" or getting healthier, it all has to start and end with you. If you feel like you've been trying and trying and nothing works, maybe its time to look at your truth. Are you doing it for you? Are you doing it to keep someone's love? Are you doing it to fit in? Maybe in all actuality you are living in a place of fear and you can't grow in that space. It took me a long time to understand why it worked for "that girl" but not me. I would look at pictures of other girls on Instagram and think "they must not have any stress in their lives, because I do and that's why I put on extra weight". Not true. We all have our own struggles, we all lead our own lives. It's how we handle the storms and dance in the rain.
Becoming a healthier you is not a one size fits all. Just like your clothes. We all have different sizes and shapes and that is the beauty of our uniqueness.
So next time you complain about the new diet not working or your workouts sucking, think about it. What are you doing it for? Who are you doing it for? Do you actually value the responses you just gave?